Hello everyone…tonight as I’m sitting here in my office…enjoying a beautiful evening with God, I’ve been talking with Him on something that I’d like to share with you today. Never do I ever want you to feel that all I do is sit here and complain; but rather, I want my life’s lessons to bring hope to you…a hope that I once never had…a hope that I struggled so much for, at one time in my life.
As some of you may already know, I’ve been through a lot in my life. I was raised in a home that was very dysfunctional…and to top it off, I was molested by my grandfather at a very young age…along with other physical problems that I experienced throughout my life with my knees. Most times, I’m not confronted with the past…because I went through several years of counseling; that I believe God used, to teach me how to handle life again. Even though I have overcome so much…time and Satan has a way of allowing thoughts and flashbacks of the past, to re-enter my thoughts…and last night and this afternoon were several of those moments.
As a young girl, I remember 2 particular times in my life, when my dad had punished me…for doing nothing wrong. The first time, was when I was about 5 years old. This was the time that I was being molested by my grandfather; so life was very confusing for me. I was experiencing feelings that I probably shouldn’t have been experiencing, at such a young age.
Anyways…I won’t go into specifics; but I had done something, due to the sexual abuse…and instead of my dad asking me why I did that; he sent me into the house…and as I sat on the couch…waiting for him to come in; I noticed that he was cutting a branch off the weeping willow tree out front. I remember being so scarred; that I went into the bathroom, while waiting for him to come inside.
After coming back into the living room…he met me with the switch…and without even asking anything of me; he took me in a room…stripped me from the waist down and beat me with the switch. You know…it was bad enough that I had been going through the sexual abuse; but to be treated in this way, only made matters worse.
The second time my dad punished me wrongly, was when I was a young teenager. Before the doctors stopped allowing me to ride my bike, due to so many knee problems…I just loved riding my bike. I would ride down the hill, with my hair blowing in the wind…and free as a bird. In fact, I always felt that my bike was a way of escaping the hard life I lived.
Anyways…one day, as I rode my bike down the hill, I started to have problems with the steering and the brakes. From there I began to scream and tell my brother and the neighbor boy to move…because the bike was out of control. I guess they thought I was joking at the time…so they didn’t move. Before I knew it, I had knocked my brother over and had ridden over his neck. I’ll tell you…God had to have been there; because my brother wasn’t even injured.
After finally reaching the bottom of the hill…I rode the bike, until it stopped and then turned around, to try and walk it up the hill. As I got half way up the hill, my dad was standing in the driveway…screaming and telling me to get back home. As I walked up the driveway, I began to cry…knowing that there was going to be trouble. The neighbor boy walked up and put his arm around me and tried to explain everything to my dad; but it was as if my dad didn’t even see the neighbor boy standing there. For many years of my life, I had blocked half of this memory. In fact…all I would remember, was walking up to the garage…and that is where the memory would end.
One day, I asked God to help me remember what had happened and within a short time, the memory began to unfold…and this is what had happened. After walking through the garage, I was once more sent to my room. My dad came in with a belt and didn’t even listen to my explanation; but rather, had me bend over the bed, as he began to whip me. The whipping went on for some time, until I began to fall to the floor and beg him to stop.
This life that I have lived hasn’t been an easy one at times; but I do praise God, for all He has done to heal my heart and mind. Even more, I long for a new mind in heaven…one that will never have these memories recorded on it; but until then, I continue to seek God for His help…love…compassion and sustaining power.
There is a Bible verse in Ephesians 5:11; that has truly helped me in my life…and we read… “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.” You see…I’m not out to complain and put my burdens on anyone else but God; but one thing I have learned…and that is when we bring the works of darkness to light and expose them; then Satan can no longer deceive us with them or use them against us; because they have been brought into the light…a light that gives us power…and a light that makes Satan powerless…Amen!!
We all have a past…and some seem to have it more difficult than others. Memories stay forever; but there is a way to cope…and that is to expose them, for what they really are.
I praise God tonight, for the distance He’s brought me, on this long and difficult journey…and the hope I live with tonight; is that a day will come, when these memories will be erased forever, in a place called heaven.
No matter what you have faced in your life…just know that you are not alone. Moments like these can make us feel alone; but that is only due to the circumstance…and what it’s attempting to convey to us.
May I encourage you today, to not harbor the hurtful moments of your life…deep within the heart; but rather, make them known…bring them to light and expose them, for what they really are…for this will make the works of darkness powerless in your life.
Today, I want to thank you for listening to my heart…and my prayer for you; is that you too will find freedom in your life…simply by bringing the works of darkness, into the powerful light of Jesus Christ…Amen!!
Have a great day…take care and I will hope to see you soon!
Many…many blessings on your day!
It’s Always & Only Because of Him…
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